Minding the mind

I sat in the nook today, after coffee and a little reading from Diana Winston's Wide Awake. Half-day of mindfulness this morning before heading off to a conference for school.

I started with some hardcore loving kindness towards myself (may you be at peace, may you be happy, may you be free from suffering) and found it really useful (and hilarious) to label the bubbles that pushed loving kindness out of the big sky view of my mind: "thinking" (I wonder how great it will be when I can finally do headstand without the wall), "planning' (Yah, I should put my chocolate covered almonds into that glass jar and buy them in bulk next time), and "thinking" again (It's so great that I have this nook to sit in).

It made me laugh everytime I put a label on it. Once I labeled it and then realized that I was off in lala-land it floored me how I had no awareness to my thinking, planning, drifting-ness until well into the thought.

And then I started to wonder: what is doing that labeling? It was almost as if it was a separate part of the mind that came in and said "Ah! Gotcha! Thinking". And I know that this separation of my mind into different parts isn't quite right, but are those thoughts and plans that happen unconsciously what I usually think I AM and is the "real" I AM the part that is doing the noticing? Is there really an I AM? Or are they all just parts of the same illusion?

Help?!

I am really enjoying the book that I picked up for my last month's project (Wide Awake by Diane Winston). I know it seems a little silly, but because the book is geared towards teenagers, everything written is so accessible and actually really entertaining / interesting to read. I sat down for 10 minutes with the book and sat in my living room.

This idea of being in the present moment because this is all there is and sitting for the sake of sitting, doing the dishes for the sake of doing the dishes, or walking for sake of walking (instead of wishing it was all over so I could do something more interesting) was a good thing to be reminded of this morning. THIS is a great moment. I want to be awake for that.

Practiced right after asana today. Right on my mat. In the pool of my sweat. Breath a little faster than normal.

Went back to the metta practice today: repeated to myself over and over "may you be at peace...may you be free from suffering" and although I think my mind kept wandering because it was thinking something along the lines of "what's next?" - I could actually feel something inside of myself softening towards myself. Instinctively, I know this works, but on some level I am always a little surprised when I do feel a little bit more compassion arise when I do practices like this.