I sat in the nook today, after coffee and a little reading from Diana Winston's Wide Awake. Half-day of mindfulness this morning before heading off to a conference for school.
I started with some hardcore loving kindness towards myself (may you be at peace, may you be happy, may you be free from suffering) and found it really useful (and hilarious) to label the bubbles that pushed loving kindness out of the big sky view of my mind: "thinking" (I wonder how great it will be when I can finally do headstand without the wall), "planning' (Yah, I should put my chocolate covered almonds into that glass jar and buy them in bulk next time), and "thinking" again (It's so great that I have this nook to sit in).
It made me laugh everytime I put a label on it. Once I labeled it and then realized that I was off in lala-land it floored me how I had no awareness to my thinking, planning, drifting-ness until well into the thought.
And then I started to wonder: what is doing that labeling? It was almost as if it was a separate part of the mind that came in and said "Ah! Gotcha! Thinking". And I know that this separation of my mind into different parts isn't quite right, but are those thoughts and plans that happen unconsciously what I usually think I AM and is the "real" I AM the part that is doing the noticing? Is there really an I AM? Or are they all just parts of the same illusion?
Help?!
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1 comment:
Ah, love Diana! Wonderful book, too.
As for your question, "what" is doing the labeling is a bit outside the point kind of question in that it's already assuming so much that mitigates a clear answer or response (like, "When did you stop beating your wife?").
It's all mental factors (or formations). Remember, mindfulness is one of 52 mental formations, and arises only with and upon various causes and conditions. There's no "what" behind it all. Will (cetana) is a mental formation that functions to help keep that alert radar function "Ha! Thinking" going.
We can most certainly talk about this if this comment doesn't help clarify the question.
BUT, in any event, thanks for the question. Keep investigating.
love,
fjb
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