Sitting in the Closet

On the Floor
Before going to AYCT for practice

The 15 minutes few by remarkably fast. Was really impressed.

I started with the attempts of counting my breath and then, yet again, felt like this was distracting me. I would start to count my breath, feel a thought coming up, feel the seed of guilt for letting the thought come up, resentment arise for having to start back at one, and then the cycle continues. Inevitably, I always (about half-way through) my counting experience, I just forget what I'm doing (get on the bus to Albany) and then feel frustration when I call myself back to the breath.

I am finding when I don't try to blanket over my monkey mind with a counting system, and allow the monkey to be the monkey, it calms down in a more organic way. I'm not forcing it to slow, it is just slowing because it knows it is not being rebellious.

But I will still play with the counting, if nothing else than for the sake of research.