Where did it go?

Place: AYCT Back Balcony
Time: About 10 minutes from 11-11:10am
Circumstances: After class. After I showered. Before my day of crazy began.

I am happy I had the foresight to do this sit before my day began. It was one of those days where it was so out of hand that I forgot to eat and then because I forgot to eat / didn't have time to eat, I got even more freaked out and stressed.

I have to remember to breathe.

My mindfulness bell is the sound of a car honking. I feel like it happens enough to wake me up, but I might have to choose another one, because I was so far from breath and mindfulness today. Like maybe my bell of mindfulness should be the sound of me swallowing or something that happens more often than horns...

Sitting with Cows

Place: AYCT upstairs practice room, in front of the cows
Time: 11:10am
Circumstances: Post-Practice, Pre-Trade-Training

In the car ride on the way over, I turned off CBC and tried to stay present with my driving, my thoughts, my breath.

During practice, I tried to do the same thing - but found it took extra effort to remember what I was doing or what pose came next. Forgot where I was more than usual.

During the sit, I didn't peak at the time once. Sat in front of these cows (picture below) and heard the sounds of the people in the changeroom after practice, noticed how easy it was to get lost in other people's conversations. Kept coming back to the 8-count breath. Maybe slightly easier than yesterday. Still amazingly challenging.

Before the Rain Came

Time: 11:10am
Place: AYCT front balcony
Circumstances: Right after practice. Really sweaty, sans cushion, nice breeze on the skin.

I am a little amazed at my own inability to remain focused on task when off the cushion, so it should come as no great surprise that the same is true during my practice. My inner dialogue went a little something like this:

"Okay Celeste, let's just start by focusing on the breath"

"I can do that"

"Inhale. Exhale...notice each breath as it comes through your nostrils"

"Okay. I am doing that. Yes - I am breathing"

"Good. Inhale. Exhale. Notice each breath as a breath"

"Yes. Oh hey, I wonder if anyone else from the training is meditating right now! I wonder if they are sitting at the exact same time as me. I wonder if they are breathing like this too..."

"Celeste....notice your inhale, your exhale and stay focused on the breath"

"Oh ya, right. Inhale. Exhale. I am focused on my breath. Inhale. Ex-- Oh my goodness, I am going to go play tennis right after this. I LOVE tennis. I really suck at it right now, but I really love it, and it is such a great thing for Les and I to do together. I really love the neighborhood that we live in. How amazing is it that we live across from a tennis court. Wow. I love my life."

"Celeste..."

And this went on and on for about 15 minutes.

Maybe 15 minutes is too long for me right now. Maybe I need to start with like 3 minutes and build up...

Round Two

Time: 10:25pm
Location: My Closet Floor (with cushion)

Stuff: It was really challenging to keep my mind in one spot.

I like / appreciate that the verse to finish the practice says "whatever merits I MAY have received..." - which shows that there is allowances for not receiving merits during any given practice. I'm not saying I didn't receive merits, but there were certainly more obstacles towards them.

This Could Be The Start of a Beautiful Friendship

Time: 9:40ish am
Place: Ashtanga Yoga Centre Toronto
Circumstances: Post-Practice in the upstairs "quiet" room

I didn't have a cushion today or anything to lift my hips up - grateful for my open hips and being flexible metaphorically and literally. I set my phone alarm (tried to choose the least obtrusive ringtone - today was crickets - to bring me out - still trying to find a way to have bells bring me out of the sit) for 15 minutes and tried to be aware of my breath.

It has been a while since I had a regular sitting practice. When I was in India, was away from my office, the busy city life, and my regular routines, I found it so much easier to have a daily practice and sit. And I saw the benefits, I just need to build that in to my life regardless of being busy or not. And really, what's 15 minutes?

I noticed when my mind got caught up in its stories and brought it back to my body. It felt like this happened 10,000 times in 15 minutes. Like my mind is a 4-year old hyperactive child off its meds for the summer on a sugar high. A constant practice of patience and compassion.